Saturday, 8 December 2007

Fat of the land

Lets be more selective about about the habits we adopt from across he pond.

I was sat on a plane coming back from Texas, a very large woman next to me was talking incessantly and only pausing long enough to down another mini bottle of in flight wine. The more she drank, the louder she became and the list of things, which were ‘so cute and adorable’ got longer and longer!

I was ready to scream, but realised that if I did, a twitchy air Marshall would probably shoot me! I was pinned into the corner and escape was impossible, so I decided on the direct approach. If I could not shut her up, at least I ought to have a conversation with her and direct her verbal assault somewhere meaningful.

‘Why are you flying to the UK? Business or pleasure?’ I asked gingerly.
‘Young Man we are travelling to Edinburrow in Ingerland for a vacation’ she declared.
‘Ah, that’s nice, anything in particular you plan to do whilst you are there?’ getting a little more confident now!
‘We are going to Edinburrow to shoot Peasants!’ she announced!
‘No, No surely not! You are going to shoot Pheasants!’ I laugh all nonchalant and slightly nervous.
‘Young Man!’ she bellowed ‘I know what I’m going to shoot!’

Apart for the fat Texan lady another unwelcome American import and destroyer of our ‘peasants’ is MacDonald’s!

I live quite near to MacDonald’s and the thing that makes me laugh out loud, every time, without fail, is the MacDonald’s Drive-Thru.

Now, it is a widely accepted fact that McD's food isn't exactly the first name in healthy options. I enjoy a McD (now and then) it is very tasty, but eaten as part of a balanced diet etc.

Now, for you to go to a Drive-Thru to collect your 'fast food' is a bit of a dumb move. You know that it’s not a very healthy food and yet you compound this, by not even walking the 10 metres from the car park to the counter, to pick it up. Instead you sit in your car for 10 minutes with the engine running, polluting the atmosphere and enlarging your arse!
At least the exercise from car to door would in some way compensate for the crap you are about to ingest.
The funniest funny thing is that it actually takes longer to queue up in your car for the food, than it does to park and walk to the counter. So, get some exercise and get a life! Literally!People who go through the Drive-Thru have somehow been seduced by the American heart disease loving, life-shortening lifestyle. It is a vegetative utopia where everything is delivered to your car window. From personal services through to divorce proceedings, from Pizza through to exercise equipment, your average American needn’t leave the comfort of his haemorrhoid cushion ever again. Just look the evidence. The results of this cultural regression are the fat, cholesterol soaked American Drive-Thru role models you are emulating - argument won!

America has given us many good things from Cheerleaders to Elvis. We as a nation are accredited with intelligence, manners and taste, and as such we should make better decisions about which of the products and habits of our North American cousins we adopt and which we throw in the trash!

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